How dated of me, right? How very anti-feminist! I discovered how much I loved vintage and went off the deep end!
Well, no. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. First, keep in mind that I firmly believe it works both ways, that a man should try to look good for his wife. But I’m under no delusions that men read this blog. If they do, I hope they just exchange terms and take the same humble advice.
I find it in poor judgment when women seem to take the attitude that all the effort is in “catching” a man, and that once they’re married everything is in the bag and they can let themselves go. While it’s no good to always focus on the negative, we shouldn’t forget that there is this thing called divorce. You should be working just as hard to keep your husband as you did to get him to become your husband in the first place. I am absolutely not saying this while neglecting that you should also retain your pleasant personality, but this doesn’t seem to be where most women struggle. At least from what I’ve seen. You’ve no doubt heard countless times about women who have let themselves go. Men everywhere lament that the last time they saw their wives in a dress was on their wedding day, and now they wear their husband’s clothes more than their own. It’s sad. And absolutely preventable.
Look, being with the same person (presumably) for life is not always going to be the way it started out. Relationships go through stages. People get comfortable with each other, see each other at their worst, and eventually can most definitely get bored of each other. Letting yourself go is not going to help matters here. You owe it to your relationship to put your best face forward every day.
It’s a respect thing, really. We all know the ol’ bait and switch is downright mean. You would be pretty pissed if you married a sexy beef cake and a few years later found yourself with a big slob. Marriage is all about respect and putting each other first. Treat him the way you want him to treat you. Lead by example. Who knows, he may very well return the favor in order to look good next to you, to continue deserving you. It’s not JUST about looks of course. If it was you would have dumped each other long ago after realizing that you just weren’t compatible. But it’s a great thing to know that your partner is putting in effort for you, to make you that much more pleased to be with them. It’s a little piece of the big picture.
Besides, it isn’t just for him, but yourself too. Even when you were single, didn’t it ruin your day when you didn’t put in the effort, when you felt bad about yourself? Being married doesn’t change that, it amplifies it. Confident sex is good sex. An unhappy wife is not a key element to a happy marriage. If nothing else, do it for you first. A good number of women with depression have stated that putting an effort into their appearance was definitely a contributing factor to feeling better. While there are tons of things you can do to be a happy person, this is one of them that doesn’t need to go ignored. A little bit of vanity isn’t a bad thing unless it’s selfish or arrogant.
Like I mentioned earlier, people can get bored with each other after being together for so long. It’s to be expected. But you don’t have to surrender to it. Looking good for each other helps retain some of that spark. There’s no reason you should stop turning each other on. And it’s really not that hard; it’s the little things that count. I often wear perfume to bed because Mike likes it. And he wears my favorite cologne for me. Never underestimate the power of the little things. They can affect your lives in a very big way.
But of course, be realistic. You don’t have to vacuum in pearls. You don’t have to wear a low cut dress on every date. You don’t have to do or wear anything you are not ok with. Compromise, remember? If you’re uncomfortable, physically or emotionally, then it’s just not worth it. Remember this is about contributing to YOUR happiness as much as his. Always be comfortable. Always be appropriate. Accept that he will see you in curlers. Accept that being ill is not going to be attractive and nobody should expect it to be. Accept that aging is inevitable. But carry it all with dignity, good humor, and a little wiggle in your step, then he will more likely be yours forever.
Skirting The Issue 